Could you be with someone whose political leanings are different from your own? Following the results of the 2024 presidential election, it’s a question worth asking.
Black women overwhelmingly voted for Vice President Kamala Harris (around 92 percent), but 16 percent of Black people, in general, voted for Donald Trump. Of Latino voters, a whopping 43 percent voted for Trump, and, not so surprising, 53 percent of white voters cast their vote for the polarizing figure. The results solidified a reality: The United States is plunging into an even deeper state of political division, and it has left some people, including a growing number of single Black women, narrowing their dating pool.
Discussing politics with a potential partner right away was once uncommon. Today, online daters can declare political allegiances in their profiles from the beginning. Tinder and several other dating apps have also rolled out features that allow users to filter prospective matches based on political views.
“Singles are no longer shy about their political and cultural views, with a range of issues that are impacting their sense of security in all aspects of life,” said Justin Garcia, Ph.D., executive director of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University and Scientific Advisor at Match in the online dating company’s recent Singles in America report.
According to the Journal of Couple and Family Psychology, “research has shown that people are less attracted to those who vote differently and that voting differently can be associated with lower relationship quality.” The American Psychological Association also reported a rise in “political polarization” in a 2024 article released in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, where a mild association was found “between political dissimilarity and relationship quality in general and in daily life.” Times have certainly changed.
New York resident Tiffany Aupont, 29, was not always firmly against cavorting across party lines. “A few years ago, if it was like, Mitt Romney running or something, maybe I would have thought differently,” she says. “But right now, no, I don’t want to date anyone who voted differently.” The divisive political climate has stiffened her boundaries. Today, she feels that any suitor she gives her time to should share her political beliefs. Her perspective reflects a narrowing margin for compromise amidst voters who feel that extremes have become the new norm in the United States when it comes to views.
“The Republican party has changed quite a bit and has become just more hateful, more racist, more xenophobic, more transphobic,” adds Aupont. “I just don’t want to be around that.”
North Carolina voter Tatyannah King, 28, is standing firmly in her decision not to date anyone who did not vote for her chosen candidate. King is polyamorous and would not make exceptions for primary or secondary partners.
She began seeing someone new shortly before election season began and ensured that they were on the same page before agreeing to continue their fledgling relationship. “I wouldn’t have continued dating them if they were for Trump,” she notes. “I just think our values wouldn’t completely align had he voted for Trump because there are certain things that you would either have to agree with or have to overlook voting for him, such as rape allegations, bankruptcy, fraud, racism, misogyny. There are so many things that you would have to somewhat be okay with.”
Black women unable to vote in the United States also have strong opinions about their partner’s choices.
Giulia Baldini, a 27-year-old New Jersey resident who is Italian-Brazilian, cannot yet vote in the United States. However, she says her husband represents her interests in the voting booth during the election cycle. “That is a reflection of our values and lifestyles,” Baldini says.
“How we treat love is political,” she adds. “It’s not only my best interest but our interests as a family.”
According to the American Psychological Association, “political anxiety” is a stressor affecting more people each day. While it’s understandable to experience burnout from the constant discourse, there are people who say they will refuse to give the time of day to anyone who isn’t committed to creating change where they can. No vote? No love. A 2020 report from OkCupid stated that users on the dating platform were 85% more likely to receive a message if they were registered voters.
Julie Griffith, 49, is a single Texan who would never consider partnering with someone politically inactive. She also makes clear that anyone who only casts votes that benefit themselves is a no-no as well. “I would need the type of partner that thinks beyond their own interests,” she tells ESSENCE. “I care because it affects my neighborhood. It affects the next generation, and it affects the children of my friends.”
Griffith sees refraining from voting or even selecting a third-party candidate as romantic dealbreakers. “Writing in to be spiteful and petty says more about you than any candidate. That’s not someone that I can deal with at all,” she says.
Shayna Zeigen, 31, of California, feels the same way.
“We all know it’s basically a two-party system, and so a vote, not for one of the two primary parties, Democrats or Republicans, often feels like a vote for the candidate’s opposition,” the bride-to-be shares. She also feels passionate about her fiancé caring about local elections and sharing her stance on political initiatives that directly affect them and the communities around them.
“I’m prioritizing political activism, and now it’s kind of a requirement that my partner be just as involved,” she says.
Safaniya Stevenson, 33, who resides in North Carolina, has a slightly different stance. She would be open to dating someone who chose not to vote but not someone who voted against her values. “That wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me,” she says.
“For me, I’d rather have someone who can speak up and say, you know, I didn’t do research this go around. I didn’t know anything that Trump was putting forward. I didn’t know anything that Harris was putting forward,” she continues. “I didn’t feel comfortable voting for either because I wasn’t informed. I’d rather have that answer.”
To be unified when it comes to how you view the world in relation to your partner and your effort when it comes to civic engagement is a gift. Kali Combs, 39, a married Louisiana resident, generally sees eye to eye with her spouse on political matters. “Nine times out of 10, my husband and I agree,” says Combs. “It’s very important, especially with the local elections, because those are the elections that really impact, directly, our community,” she adds. “We do make it an extreme point to discuss local politics.”
Not being able to find some harmony regarding political views can spell trouble. Stevenson was on opposite ends of the political spectrum from her ex-husband, but they managed the best they could. “We were still able to have a lot of open conversations about issues,” she recalls. Today’s climate would make that a lot more difficult, she says. “It’s just starting to get a lot harder to separate by issue.”
Chantel Cohen, a licensed therapist who specializes in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples, says that some people can make assumptions about the motivations behind their partner voting for another party.
“There’s a narrative that my clients have, and the narrative is you don’t care. I’m not important enough for you to vote for something that’s absolutely in my best interest, and I can’t depend on you to protect me,” she says.
Partners who vote differently than their spouses or partners might not intend to communicate those ideas. Those feelings can be a hard hump to get over, but despite changing political discourse, Cohen says it’s not impossible. According to her, couples can actually move forward without that harmony. She helps them do just that in therapy sessions.
“We start looking at perspectives and trying to get them to see each other’s point of view. So, there is a way through,” Cohen says. “I’ve never had anybody divorce over it.”
