Is there anything worse than being ghosted?
Many single women and daters think that, as a new trend, “Submarining” has just entered the chat. On TikTok, the hashtag #submarining has racked up millions of views, and searches for the trend have spiked in the last year. Submarining is a dating trend where someone suddenly stops communicating with their potential partner or boo and then magically reappears months later as if nothing happened; the same can be true for friends. While the trend is similar to ghosting, the difference is the “submariner” will suddenly re-emerge, often with a text, which can instantly make the victims feel anxious, confused, hurt, or like they have to continue to communicate with this person who fell out of contact on purpose.
Submarining vs. Ghosting: breaking down the difference: Ghosting and submarining have one significant aspect: the lack of clear and consistent communication and abrupt severing of connection without any explanation, which leads the person who has been waiting for communication to spiral, feel anxious, and doubt themselves as to why someone would stop speaking to them out of the blue. The main difference between “ghosting” and “submarining” is when someone goes silent without you expecting them to – which means no more texts, calls, or social media activity, leaving the person without closure or insight as to why the relationship ended. While ghosting suggests that the person has disappeared for good, submarining leaves the lines of communication still open without directly addressing their previous absence, arguably more inconsiderate. Ghosting is a clean break to the relationship, while submarining is a lingering, unhealthy, and toxic connection that just can’t go away.
Here are the main differences:
Disappearance: Ghosting includes permanently cutting communication and the connection without an explanation, while submarining includes resurfacing after some time away.
Communication: Submariners return with casual communication or, worse, approach you during meaningful moments of your life and act as if everything is okay.
Closure: The ghoster doesn’t provide any explanation. Similar to the ghoster, the submariner creates confusion by not addressing why they stopped communicating with you in the first place.
How should you handle being submarined?
Be direct: Call out the person submarining you and demand a response and acknowledgment of their behavior. It’s essential to be direct so the person can know that you expect them to communicate more often or to let them know that it’s best the relationship ends permanently.
No response: Sometimes, no response is the best response. Deciding not to engage or respond to a person’s message can be a powerful and effective way to set boundaries. This approach sends a clear message that their behavior doesn’t deserve your time and energy, and I expect more. Silence can protect your emotional space and clarify that you don’t have the time for unhealthy and useless relationship dynamics.
