“As a Black man, you have to be tough.” That is something I’ve been told for a long time. My dad grew up in the rural areas of Baltimore and had to take precaution of what’s around him. He instilled in me and my brother, Keith, to always be discerning and not show emotion.
I remember him even making us watch movies— like South Central, He Got Game, and Remember The Titans— about Black men teaching their sons how to be a man in this world. Additionally, he taught us to always have respect for everyone, including yourself, by dressing up and focusing on education.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized Black men often pass down pain and generational trauma to their kids— which can show up in the form of fixating on hypermasculinity. Thanks to therapy, I’ve realized that I was somewhat emulating this from my father.
But, I learned these notions weren’t working for my lifestyle because I was pretending to be something I’m not. I have a heart and have feelings… and I’m not afraid to show them. This became especially apparent when I realized I was gay and tried to present as traditionally masculine to other guys. I was presenting an image of someone else. That’s when I decided to create my own definition of masculinity.
One of the ways— amongst changing my wardrobe and writing in my gratitude journal— that helped me embark on my own path was via my self-care and grooming routine. It wasn’t until my late twenties that I’d developed a routine for myself. I think it’s partially because I’ve been a people pleaser for most of my life, and therefore would neglect myself.
Through it all, I’ve learned that if we put ourselves first, we can give proper love to others. And, to me, that’s the strongest and most “masculine” thing you can do.
Below are the products that I currently can’t live without in my routine.
01
Papatui Sandalwood Suede Refreshing Body Wash
02
Sienna Naturals Hydrating H.A.P.I. Shampoo
03
OSEA Malibu Collagen Dream Night Cream
04
TPH by TARAJI Control + Delete Blemish Targeting Body Serum
05
Vaseline Radiant X Deep Nourishment Body Cream
06
Covergirl Eye Enhancer 3D Mascara
07
NatureLab. TOKYO Perfect Repair Treatment Masque
08
Axe Black Vanilla Body Spray
09
Tarte Cosmetics Creaseless Creamy Concealer
One of the makeup artists applied this concealer to cover all of my dark spots and hyperpigmentation. I’ve been using this concealer nonstop if I do not want to look like I’m wearing makeup for the day. After a full day of glam, this concealer doesn’t smudge or wear off.
Available at tartecosmetics.com
10
OLAY Face Cleansing Melts
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