Here Are Ways To Connect With Your Distant Family Members Over The Holidays While Maintaining Boundaries

If you decide to uphold your boundaries and prioritize self-care during the holidays, you may be subjected to ill feelings from family members, even if they know you aren’t that close to them. 

For many people, the holidays can be a complex and difficult time due to grief or not having healthy relationships with family members. As a solution, some are reimagining what the holidays mean to them and are focused on creating their own traditions, whether with a chosen family or alone. 

While family relationships may be strained, there’s still room for fostering authentic connection on your terms. With expert tips from licensed professional counselor Jenet Dove, here’s how to connect with distant family members during the holidays while upholding your boundaries.

Set Expectations Upfront

Clear communication is key. Before engaging, let your family know your boundaries: Are there topics you’d prefer to avoid? Are there any specific guidelines for interacting with your kids? These conversations help set the tone for a positive interaction and give you insight into how your boundaries will be perceived. If met with respect, you can move forward feeling more at ease.

Practice Selective Participation

Not every family tradition or activity has to be for you—and that’s okay. Decide which parts of the gathering align with your energy: “I’d love to join for dinner but will pass on the late-night card games.” This way, you’re present in a way that works for you, without sacrificing your emotional well-being.

Get Creative with Virtual Connection

Who says the connection has to happen in person? If seeing family face-to-face feels overwhelming, lean on technology. Schedule a FaceTime chat, host a virtual trivia night, or send a short, heartfelt video message. These alternatives allow you to stay connected without compromising your peace.

Limit Visit Duration

I always preach this to my clients: short and sweet can be just as meaningful. Plan your visits with a clear end time: “I can stop by for about 30 minutes before I head to my next commitment.” And here’s the secret: that commitment can be anything—even curling up at home with a cup of tea. Your time is yours to manage; no justification is required.

Send Thoughtful Care Packages or Cards

A small, intentional gesture can speak volumes. A handwritten note, a care package, or even a favorite family recipe shared by mail shows love and connection without requiring face-to-face interaction. It’s a boundary-friendly way to keep relationships strong.

Prioritize One-on-One Connections

Large family gatherings can be overwhelming, so consider focusing on more minor, more personal interactions. A quiet coffee date, a phone call, or even a walk with one or two family members can create meaningful moments without the stress of a crowd.

Permit Yourself to Say No

Sometimes, the most loving choice is stepping back. If connecting feels too much, it’s okay to bow out entirely: “I won’t be able to join this time, but I’m wishing everyone a joyful holiday!” Protecting your well-being isn’t selfish—it’s essential.